


Microwave Meals

by Bi_lithiumcrystals



Category: RWBY
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, M/M, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, post-episode v7e7
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:07:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21861961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bi_lithiumcrystals/pseuds/Bi_lithiumcrystals
Summary: Qrow and James finally talk about all of James' trauma from Beacon
Relationships: Qrow Branwen/James Ironwood
Comments: 14
Kudos: 81





	Microwave Meals

**Author's Note:**

> Uh, so this was intended to be a happy fix-it. Oops.
> 
> But anyway, Lacependragon pointed out that James is now working not just as the Tinman, but Atlas from Greek mythology. And my inner 12 year old Percy Jackson fan is losing my mind at seeing how much that burden hurts your loved one and taking it yourself, even if that's unhealthy and also not actually what happened in The Titan's Curse according to Google, but oh well.

Qrow sat cross legged on their bed, playing some stupid game on his scroll in an attempt to distract himself from his thoughts while he waited for James to come home. He had heard from Ruby that James was doing something with Oscar. He tried not to let it bother him that James hadn't just messaged him. They hadn't spoken much since he and the kids arrived in Atlas and it only seemed to get worse as time went on.

Not that he wasn't mostly to blame for that. He had been cagey and shut down all of James' attempts to talk to him the first few days after arriving so that he could try to sort out in his head how he was going to stay with his partner while actively hiding things from him. He still wasn't happy about it. But he wasn't going to do anything to betray the girls. As hopeless as their mission had seemed since the train crash, he had vowed the night that they arrived in Atlas that he was going to be there for Yang and Ruby no matter what. Even if that meant lying to James, as much as it hurt.

It wasn't like he could blame Ruby for not trusting James. Lately it seemed that for every good decision he made, he made five bad ones. And while he knew James didn't have any ill intent- he was just scared and trying to protect everyone from everything- that didn't change how bad those decisions were or how rash he was being. Learning the truth about Salem had sent Qrow into one of the worst destructive spirals of his life, and he had been doing relatively okay beforehand. There was no telling what it would do to James.

And Ruby didn't know about his and James' relationship. They had been dating for years now, but since it was almost entirely long distance and his time visiting the Xiao Long-Rose household between missions had become increasingly short over the years, his love life hadn't seemed like a priority to share with the girls. Even when he had visited Beacon, he and James had been having one of the worst fights in the history of their relationship over James not trusting Oz and lack of communication on both ends. It seemed ridiculous now. But at the time, he had considered them on the verge of breaking up and did not want to talk about it. And although he had had much more time with them recently, there had always been things that were definitely more important than his love life to talk about. But not bringing it up had continued for so long that now he didn't know how to without making it sound like he had deliberately been hiding it. And he was terrified that bringing it up now that he knew they didn't trust James would make them question their trust in him, which was undoubtedly still fragile from his behavior after Jinn's story. So it was just another thing he couldn't talk to a loved one about.

He lost the level on his game.

He took a deep breath. One of the lights in the room blew.

Gods, he wanted a drink. He knew James had whiskey. He closed his eyes and ran a hand through is hair, trying to focus on why drinking was a bad idea. He knew that once he drowned the thoughts in his mind, he wouldn't want to lose that feeling. He'd drink until he couldn't see straight. Until he ended up passed out on a porch for the girls to find while he embarrassed the people who were graciously hosting him. Until he fought with James. Until he destroyed a courtyard pissing off Winter just because he wanted other people to hurt as bad as he did and he couldn't see how stupid that was. Until he stayed hunched over a bar while the kids almost died. Until he screamed at them for saving his life. Until Ruby lost faith in him.

He started pulling at his hair. This wasn't helping. He tried to switch his thoughts to the good things that had come with sobriety. Ruby's face when he first put down the flask. The huntress he had idolized since he was a kid telling him he was being strong. Yang saying she was proud of him. Making adult friends for the first time in over a decade. The other kids trusting him more. The look on James' face when he told him. The excited way he had kissed him. Him telling Qrow he had faith in him to do this. His promise to take Qrow to dinner to celebrate.

The dinner that had been pushed to the next night. Then the next. Then the next week. Eventually, James had stopped mentioning it.

He sighed, opening his eyes. He restarted the level on his game.

At the very least, his sobriety had been an excuse for his behavior. Whenever James tried to actually talk to him and Qrow felt that sharp twist of guilt that made him recoil from him, he could blame it on withdrawal or the way his mind kept spiraling. James had kept trying though- when he could. Amity had been so time consuming. But then election night had happened. Since then, James had barely spoken to him other than to give orders.

After the meeting that morning… he was clearly falling apart at the seams, and Qrow hadn't been there for him. But he was going to be now. No matter how wrong it felt to act like a proper boyfriend when he was keeping such a massive secret, James needed someone to hold onto. Someone to ease the burden he was carrying. So, here he was, waiting for James to return. Ready to finally sit down and talk to him, no matter how much his guilt threatened to overwhelm him.

He heard a key at the door and tossed his scroll aside, rising to meet James.

James strode into their quarters looking more tired than Qrow had ever seen him. Not even offering a greeting, James made a beeline for the kitchen area and immediately poured himself a glass of whiskey.

Okay. Qrow took a deep breath, trying to steal himself. He could do this.

He crossed over the room to him and rested a hand on his shoulder. "James," he said softly.

James started, removing his hand from his face. "Qrow," he sounded as if he hadn't even realized Qrow was there. He immediately reached for his glass, moving it towards the sink. "I'm sorry. Do you need me to-"

Qrow raised his hand. "It's fine." It wasn't. But he could get through it anyway. He just needed to figure out how to start the conversation. He gestured to the glass. "Anything you want to talk about?"

James grimaced. "We have all been invited to dinner at the Schnee mansion tomorrow evening."

Qrow raised his eyebrows. "Okay. I'm not exactly thrilled at the prospect either, but that doesn't seem like the worst news in the world."

James curled his hand into a fist, looking away. "It's not just some ridiculous party to network with the rest of the council, I'm going to have to defend my position and I know he's going to bring everything he possibly can against me. The situation in Mantle, the killings of my detractors, the fact that I haven't stopped Robyn… Penny. I could lose one or both of my seats if things go his way, and he's just going to gain more control." He brought his fist down on the counter. "He's going to derail everything just so he can stroke his own ego and grab more power for himself."

Qrow rubbed his thumb across the shoulder his hand was on. "James. Come sit down with me."

James sighed. "Qrow, I can't. I have to come up with a way to defend my position."

"You have to take a break. You're working yourself to death."

He huffed out a breath and still refused to look at him. "I _can't._ Everything rests on getting the tower up. It's our best bet to defeat her. And I can't get the tower up if I lose my power on the council. I have to always be ready. She could attack at anytime, and the people who don't know better can play directly into her hands. Everything could come crashing down _again_ if I'm not ready to stop it."

"James," Qrow wedged himself between James and the counter and cupped his face. "Look at me. You may have the weight of the world on your shoulders, but you are not the only one carrying it. We all are. And yeah, maybe right now, you're in the strongest position to keep holding it up, but the weight is going to crush you if you don't let other people take more of the burden from time to time. I'm pretty sure you don't want the rest of us to have to bear more of the weight while also grieving, right? Cause that's what'll happen if you let it crush you."

James closed his eyes and shook his head as he removed Qrow's hands- bringing them down but still holding them. "It's not that simple."

"Why not?"

He let go of Qrow. "Because it's my responsibility! I'm the councilman, the headmaster, the general. It's my duty to protect Atlas. And I'm the one who brought an army to Vale and couldn't use it to stop her!" His voice was rising. He took a shaky breath before continuing much more softly. "I'm the one who brought the Knights Salem used to gun down students. It's my fault she succeeded. The rest of you shouldn't have to suffer to fulfill my role." He stepped around Qrow and poured himself a new glass, throwing it back in one go.

"James…" he didn't know what to say. He hadn't realized how much of Beacon James had internalized. What he did know was that James had to be at the end of his rope for him to be able to admit that with so little prodding.

James gripped the edge of the counter. "I know you're just trying to help, but there's no way around this."

Qrow considered for a moment and placed his hand on his shoulder again. "Okay. I can't offer you solutions, but I can listen. Talk to me."

"I don't have time," he protested even as he leaned into Qrow's touch.

He decided on a different tactic. "Hey, you're a man of your word, aren't you? You've been promising me dinner and I'm picking right now."

He let out a small sigh through his nose as a wistful smile crossed his face. "Qrow, I would love to, but I don't-"

"You don't have time to take me out or to watch me cook, I know. But y'know what you do have?" Qrow crossed to the refrigerator and pulled out two small boxes with a triumphant smile. "Microwave meals."

James gave a small chuckle at that. "Qrow…"

"Hey, you have to eat something. Please, just sit down with me. It'll take like 20 minutes to make and eat these."

James was silent for several seconds, staring at Qrow. Eventually, he said "Okay."

He put his glass in the sink and the whiskey away while Qrow started up the microwave. He took a seat at the table and buried his face in his hands until Qrow placed a glass of water, the small tray, and a fork in front of him and grabbed his left hand as he sat down.

They took their first few bites in silence before Qrow squeezed James' hand. "You know it wasn't actually your fault right?" James started to reply, but Qrow cut him off. "I know it feels like it is and that I can't stop you from feeling that way, but you know, logically, there's nothing else you could have done, right?"

James closed his eyes and shook his head. "I should have seen it coming."

"You did. You reacted to my message and brought everything you had to defend against her."

"But it wasn't enough."

"Do you blame me for not having gotten more intel? Or my semblance for making the situation worse?" He ignored the fact that he had been doing much of that himself.

James opened his eyes at that, furrowing his brow. "What? No!"

"Or Ruby for not using her abilities sooner? Or Pyhrra for not choosing to become Fall faster? Or any of you men or the teachers or the kids for not fighting harder?"

"No, of course not," James shook his head.

"Because there was very little that could have been done for it to be enough. You fought as hard as you could, James. You crawled out of a crashed airship and kept fighting! What more could you have possibly done? If you don't blame the rest of us, you shouldn't blame yourself. "

James shook his head and buried his face in his hands again. When he spoke, it was almost too quiet to hear. "Ozpin's last words to me were telling me to use my army to defend Vale."

"Screw Ozpin."

James froze at that. After a moment he lifted his head and stared at him. "I… I have never heard you side against Ozpin in all the time I've known you."

Shit. That was much too close to the truth. The guilt that was ever present in the corner of his mind started to swarm. He didn't want to actively lie to him. Half truth then. "Did you know the relics attract Grimm?"

"Of course. Oz told me when I became headmaster."

Qrow tried not to let that sting. "Well, he didn't tell us. That's why the train crashed. And this was after we had promised Yang no more secrets. The kids shouldn't have to be involved in this at all, but they are. The least we should do is make sure they're prepared for what they're going to face, and Oz actively choose to hide something that endangered them. At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if something similar happened at Beacon. Salem is to blame for what happened, but if we're gonna pin it on anyone from our side, it should be him, not you."

James was silent for a long time. Eventually, he replied in a measured voice, "A lot more happened that what you're telling me." A statement, not a question.

Qrow straightened, fear seizing him. "What do you mean?"

"I mean I'm not an idiot and Ruby's not a good liar."

The guilt continued to expand across his mind, taking over. Building and building until Qrow felt so small next to it.

James continued. "I know you haven't told me the full truth, and I've tried to be understanding about that. I know Atlas and Mantle's current state must have shocked the kids and while I've tried my best to prove I'm trustworthy, I know I've left a lot to be desired. I don't know why you…" he closed his eyes and stopped for a moment. 

"I am trying to be patient and understanding, but I have no idea what could make you of all people lose your faith in Ozpin, and, to be honest, it terrifies me. Not only because of what it implies about him, but about me. I've been sympathizing with him so much more in these past few months. I used to hate him keeping secrets and I feared that he didn't have a real plan to stop her. But since he's been gone…" He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.

"I understand now what it's like to be the one making the plans. The veteran who everyone looks to as the leader. I can't disappoint them. I am so _constantly_ terrified of disappointing everyone. But I don't know if what I'm doing is right. I don't know if the tower will work or how many people will die in the panic following the truth if it does and we can't act fast enough. I don't know if we can even get the tower up without destroying the peace in Mantle. I feel like every decision I make just makes things worse and I don't even know how to defeat Salem even if everything does somehow work out. I don't know what I'm doing but I can't ask anyone for advice because there's no one above me anymore and I have to be strong for those below me. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I don't know how he managed this, but I regret questioning him so much. And I don't know what I'm going to do if he doesn't come back."

It was silent for a long time, the only sound their deep breathes. The guilt towered over Qrow and the cold pain that had circled within him when James began had quickly turned sharp and stabbing as it wound further and further around his heart. James knew he had been lying to him. Worse than that, he was in incredible pain and Qrow hadn't been there for him. He had wasted so much time trying to protect himself from his own guilt and had probably actively made the problem worse, making James feel more and more isolated. And he couldn't even tell him the truth because he was convinced now more than ever that knowledge of Salem's immortality would destroy James.

But it wasn't useful to sit here and pity himself. James needed help. After all, who knew how to make yourself keep going while drowning in despair better than him? And while he knew in the back of his mind that James' pain wasn't his fault, pushing aside his own feelings to try to help seemed like the only thing he could do to prevent the guilt that towered ever higher from crushing him. So he concentrated on his breathing, slowly counting inhales and exhales until he thought he could speak without his voice breaking. He pulled his chair out from the table, moving it next to James', and wrapped his arm around him.

"What you do if and when Oz doesn't come back is take it one day at a time." He leaned into James. "You're going to drive yourself crazy trying to control everything. I know it feels like failure, letting someone else help you with your responsibilities, but it's the only way to make it through this. You have to talk to people when you feel like this and you have to be able to give some of the work to other people. You also have to take care of yourself. For me, that meant putting away the flask. For you, I think you need sleep. And therapy, if you're open to it. I can't fix the world or take away everything you have to do, but I can listen to you, and take on more responsibility if you need me to. I'm sorry I made you feel like you can't talk to me, but that's over now. I'm here for you." He ignored the voice in his head telling him that this was just more lies- he couldn't follow this advice himself, how could he expect it to help James?

James looped his arm under Qrow's and wrapped it around Qrow's upper back. "This still doesn't solve anything." His voice held defeat in it, but Qrow felt he hadn't so much convinced James as caught him in a moment where he was too tired to keep fighting.

"I disagree. Getting you to a place where you don't feel like you're losing your mind seems like a pretty good start to improving things to me."

James turned and rested his head on top of Qrow's. "Okay. Where do we start?"

"Well, we're going to finish this terrible food that has definitely gone cold by now, and then we can brainstorm ways to tell Schnee to go fuck himself for an hour- two hours tops. Then you are going to go to bed and I'm going to be the big spoon tonight- that's an order."

He could practically hear the raised eyebrow in James' voice, "So you're giving the orders now?"

Qrow decided to try a joke to ease them out of the pain and vulnerability the conversation had been mired in. "Hey, buy me a drink first if you're gonna ask that." Then, realizing what he said, "Oh. Wait-"

But James laughed at it. A very small laugh, but Qrow was pretty sure it was the first time James had laughed at all since the election, so he was counting it as a victory.

James was right. They still had so, so many problems to face, and neither of their mental health had really improved over the course of the conversation- in fact, Qrow's may have actively worsened- but it felt like a start. James could talk to him. And while he still couldn't really talk about what Jinn had told them, James knew and had accepted that there was something Qrow wasn't telling him, which was a small weight lifted. It was still a very long road for things to actually get better, and considering the rate at which Salem's forces moved, things would likely get much worse before they got better, but for this night at least, Qrow had a victory.

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like I wrote James well here, but not so much for Qrow because I know he's not going to be magically healthy now that he's sober, but we haven't seen enough of sober!Qrow to know what his new coping method is. It makes sense to me that he would end up pretty self effacing though because 1. We know he hates himself, and 2. Both of his nieces do it. Obviously though, that's super unhealthy and now I feel like I need to write a fix-it follow up.


End file.
